do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
