so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
