Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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