I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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