I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
