some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so let's talk penis.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
