I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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