Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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