There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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