Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
