Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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