So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
