i permit you to call me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
