Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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