Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize