there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
