If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
