I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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