I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
