Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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