just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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