I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
