when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
