I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
