Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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