he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
