I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
