Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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