I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
