PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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