holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
