A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
