at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
why do cheetos always look like penises
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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