1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
