what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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