Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
