Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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