Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
