just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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