i think my mom watched the whole time
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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