I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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