All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
