pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
