I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
