id be glad to
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
