Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
