Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
