Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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