Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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