Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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