The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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