We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
