mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
