On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
