do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
