nut hugger
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
