I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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