dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He shit in the fireplace
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