So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i think my cat just said my name.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
