Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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