youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
